After half a decade

Back to blog space after five years and the best thing about this place is nothing changed. Still the easy going space where we can write whatever comes to our mind. I have been myself over here since the first day I joined somewhere around 2011. After amma’s demise things changed with me, I got busy with work, taking care of my dad, being in relationship and handling altogether wasn’t easy for me.

Maybe this is the longest paragraph that I have ever written in this five years. Yes, it’s been quite a long since I write anything. Literally anything, but have read a lot. I don’t know what write anymore. But I do hope I will come back again and maybe post something nice :) yes, nice!!!!!! Now bubye 

Ps: technically this is my 14th year on blogspot but in between I loss 6 years.

Natyam-Sangeetham-Natyam

We have a very good family friend where the whole family are professional musicians in Kuala Lumpur. Mostly the uncle and aunty will accompany my mother for all her Arrangetram and Salangai pooja's. 

In 1992 my mom did an arrangetram for her student and I was two years old baby by the time. So barely I remember the rehearsals and everything. But while growing up, amma and sister used to discuss about all the past rehearsal sessions they had with her students along with this uncle and aunty. Almost we all call them mama and mami. So I made sure, next time any performance and rehearsals, I'm not going to miss it.  

Keeping this in my mind since I was so small, I always expected, soon my mom to do any salangai pooja's to her senior batches or at least hoping to meet this mama mami quite soon to see how mami sings and how mama plays the mridangam. I have seen my brother practices his tabla, so I only know what tabla was and had no any single idea about mridangam except sound it makes. So this music thing totally fascinates me.

The day I was eagerly waiting for arrived somewhere between November-December 1996. And that was for a salangai pooja for the batch of students that came from Midas Technology College. I remember each of them very well and also the financial crisis they all faced to conduct this program. I think both my parents helped them a lot by cutting down lots of expenses and make it to a very reasonable prices. For one or two of them, my mother didn't get her guru dakshina as well. She did it for FOC - (she has told me vithya thaanam is always the best, teach for those who are under-privileged children's and your whole generation will be blessed with knowledge).

Practices and choreograph sessions were going on full fledged and my sister played the main role in this salangai pooja. As she also studied in the same college and those girls who gonna perform are her batch mates, she help them out with extra hours of practicing in the college class room itself. Sometimes she will take over the classes, as my mom will be coming a bit late - of coarse by getting me ready, she will be spending hours of time with my hair ( a very tragedy one). Practice session is always fun, exploring many adavus with different syllabus and learning them. I loved watching both my mom and sister teach them, while I sit in a corner like a pumpkin and try to do the same in my head. Sometimes in bathroom at home :p (nobody knows it) If akka does thakka thimi in third speed level, I will try the same in fourth speed.

If a student not able to catch up with the speed, first these both my mom and sister will teach them only the leg movements and go with the speed level. Once they are able to do the speed required for the song, mom will move to the hand gesture. After getting it perfect she will ask the students to do both hand and leg movements together and the output will be amazing!

Soon the day I was looking forward came. We all went to the mama and mami's house -  where a full musicians that needed for a natyam katcheri is already there, having their coffee in tumblr (believe me mami's iyer-ish coffee is the best). Mama, mami, a flutist - we call him Perambalam uncle and a violist Yogeshwari aunty and everybody seeing me after four years - from a 2 years old baby to a 6 years old kid. And yeah, I was everyone's the apple of eye. After some coffee time, everybody went back of the house where mama had a big hall for katcheri rehearsals et all. My brother joined with mama-mami's  two sons who were his age equal and watching some programmes on television. And me roaming around the house and saw two girls who are just a year or two elders to me ( mama & mami's younger daughters), they greeted me happily into their room and we started playing all sorts of games. They was my first ever friends I made and we ate chocolates and bring those balance left chocolates to our brothers to have them.

Tired with all the games we played, Suganya the elder daughter went to sleep and left only me and Sharanya. We both preferred to watch the rehearsal sessions, so we came down and joined with the others at the back-yard hall. I don't even know why I remember these scenes, but I do. 

My mother was on nattuvangam while mama with his mridangam and the others on their respective musical instruments. Mami first suggest to sing keertanam, which my sister going to perform in that salangai pooja as a special dance during costume changing time for the others. 

I remember this keertanam so well- it was composed by papanasam sivam in jaganmohini raga and starts like Shivakama Sundari and how mami sang it so flawlessly. During this rehearsal time, my full concentration was on mami only. Totally awed the way she sings every swaram and sahityams. Dance was going on and mama keep on praising my sister for her perfection of tala and adavu's. I didn't pay much attention to her, I can watch her dancing anytime but mami only twice in a year or two years, so prefer to eyed on mami herself. Three days of full rehearsal from evening till midnight and followed by the final stage performance was just an amazing thing. For me even today, nobody can match up to her level in singing for bharathanatyam katcheris. Obviously there are many other classical singers who sangs well but for me mami is the best.

And I really wanted to learn sangeetham and sing like her one day. I told my mother to join me in sangeetham class. As I was so young she didn't enroll me, and she asked me to wait for a year or two. The day also finally arrived, after four years in 2000 for saraswati pooja. There was a sangeetham teacher near to my house in Rasah Jaya, apparently who was a family friend to this mama and mami. I joined happily in this sangeetham class and always waits for the Fridays 5pm. The teacher was extremely sweet to me and she also took good care of me during my class hours.

My first day class with her was extra special as it was Saraswati Pooja, she thought me to sing a Ganapathy Geetam - Sree gananatha sindoora varna karuna sagara karivathana followed by swaram 

M P D S S R S D P M P.  I was so excited that within a day I can sing a swaram already. Done with Ganapathy geetham and moved to Saraswathy Geetam - Vara Veena. One month, two month and three months went off like this. Everything was going well until I discover one carnatic book in my home, somewhere in old bookshelf drawer or what. And then I realized that I never learn the basic of sangeetham at all. There was swaravali Varisai and jandai varisai and more and I've no any idea about it. I went to my mom and asked what is this and she says these are basics and you should know swaravali by now what?! I pretend like I know and I'm testing you ma.

The following week Friday came and I went to the teacher, showed the book I found at my house and asked her why she never teach me this. All she says was oh you're a daughter of classical dance teacher and you should know this earlier itself. This is actually not necessary for you dear, just go with the songs and learn them. There are enough swaram in those songs already, so nothing much to be worried about. I'm already 11 years old and know certain things already. I told okay fine, no problem teacher I will ask about this to my aunty who is also a classical singer, and she asked me for the name and I said my mami's name. 

The next thing she did was took me back to my home and she says that she going to stop teaching music for me as I'm not much concentrating on what she's teaching me. And she gave back the guru dakshina my mom gave to her when I joined the class, but amma says she's not going to take it back as she knows what it does really mean. 

After ending the conversation with my music teacher my mother came in and asked what happened, and I explained her everything since the first day of class - on what I've learnt and what's not. Mom was quite disappointed with the teacher and so there ends my music journey.

And the natyam began again!!!! :) Sometimes, I think probably god never bless me with music, so I never had the chance of learning it properly even-though I did have a little knowledge about raaga and tala. Maybe in my next birth with both Bharathanatyam and Carnatic Music :D 

Mom & home classes

Mommy wasn't the usual dance teacher that we all see in studios who teaches only for amazingly talented students. She is a one who even makes a person to dance even though they do not have the talent or enough strength to do it. 

Students from all over the country used to come to mom and join her classes during school holiday time and learn whatever they can. Even there were certain dance teachers who don't have the patience to teach a small child with the basics of natyam will recommend amma. She's the epitome of "porumai" when it comes to dance. 

She will take most of the private lessons in house. At that time, we all were very particular that no other chores will go in our house. Even if dad need to watch the evening news he had to go to our neighbors house. In mid of 90's we only had one TV and I still remember the brand - SHARP (which actually went to service for a zillion times since 95-05). And during this private class sessions, I'll be the play, forward and rewind girl and also listen to the lyrics properly and tell it to amma, so that she can choreograph. 

My brother - from dining hall, he will be the commentator, let it be mom or the student. Mom used to say that he is brilliant child who can easily finds mistakes in the adavu's and mudra's but he don't dance. Still he does the same, even I'll be a little hesitate to practice or comment about natyam in front of him. What will I do, if he finds a mistake in mine? :p But yeah, those classes will actually filled with lots of laughter and full of knowledge. 

I mostly learnt to dance from those classes only - basically the students parents all had a little grudge on me. Either I'm taller than their daughters or dance even so well than their professional classical dance performers. Well I was just about 6-10 years old during that period of time. Most of the time, I'll be doing the demo for those akka's if only they're learning for pure classical songs - I'm allowed only for pure classical else a big NO. The students really adore me, and some even help me out in homework's during their break time. And I do the vice versa. 

Basically she made sure that I don't learn nor perform for any cinematic classical songs. She also prefers only classical for all of us ( including her students ) but most of the parents force my mom to teach cine classical for their children's. She will try to convince them saying she's is still a child, and why are you making her to explore to cinema song but enga keppanga - nallathukku kaalam illeye. Some parents even will say harsh words, we're paying you and just do as we say! During that time time, if my mom was in good mood, blessed they are, but if only she is in already bad mood, duhhhhhh.. Take your child and get out from my home and don't come back to my classes hereafter - will be her stern reply.

When such situation happens, these parents will look for my father and complaint a lot about amma to him. Oh your wife is so head weight lady, she don't respect the money nor she teaches our children as we required. Mr.Rajoo, Please talk to your wife and ask her to take back our children back to her classes. These girl never want any other teacher if it's not your wife. And my father will be like why I'm being pulled between this - well fine I'll try to talk. In mean while these parents will seek for another parents recommendations too. Well after all these no sense talks ( yes, I tag them as no sense talks - when you're talking to the guru of the child, respect them, do not think only your money is valuable thing and not the teachers knowledge) mom will take the child back to the class, but just for child's sake.

I always wonder how mom managed to choreograph different adavus with mudras to the same line for many other students. This wonder made me to learnt the nuances of natyam and of most jathi's and how to choreograph adavu's for them accordingly to the talakattu (rhythm). My biggest competitor is my sister and as she's away from home to work in Singapore, I took the chance of learning a lot of things from my mother. My mom, used to say that there's no one can dance like her elder daughter, and this actually irks me a lot.. Like really a lot! I wanted to prove something to my mother in this.

So from then on, began my training for arrangetram in end of 2001 with the songs I already knew such as Alarippu, Hamsanandi (Raag) Jathiswaram and Kanada raag Thillana. Once polished up with adavus for these three songs then in mid of 2002, my mom started to teach me Varnam - Swami Naan Undan Adimei .... 

Dance & Films

I've been battling in between this both since my childhood. But to be honest in my younger days I didn't watch much movies. The kind of movies I watch is all depends upon the actors or directors. I didn't watch many pop cultured movie jokes. Or even I don't know that ondre ana jokes. That's what my mom says "Jokes not worth for 1 1/2 cents. :P

And the kind of books I chose to read is always about sci-fic, fantasy and romance ( of coarse romance during my college days, else my family would've fried me up!). I still remember I watched Roja only few years back, somewhere between 2013-2014. In 2001, my family watched Alaipayuthey only after I fell into sleep, otherwise no. My mom has told to my bro hide that CD from her eyes else she will watch it. Thank god my brother didn't do as she said, and he even asked me to watch it. 

To write about my brother, basically I don't talk about him much to people but yeah when I need to, I have tons of things to say about. He is protective about his sisters yet still he don't control me (as i'm the younger). Yes he gave me the freedom i need and actually we will keep this topic for another post.

In the middle of 2002, I was kept busy between my arrangetram practices and also for my board exam. My mother was so sure about doing my arrangtram before the end of 2003, as I was too stubborn for it. I was so desperate for my arrangetram because I was so annoyed seeing all my  mom's other students making their stage debut and giving endless performances at everywhere. And at another point my mom who is also my guru made a point without doing arrangetram, I'm not allowed to do anymore performances. Yes I was giving performance when I was 9,10 and 11 years o;d right after my salangai pooja.

Once done with my Arrangetram on 18th December 2003, I was totally packed with my secondary school studies. Board exams and everything. I was the only girl in my school that didn't got into any relationship nor had a boyfriend kinda friend. But yeah I'd friends girls and boys but not that particular one boy. Somehow I'm not attracted into this relationship tag. And also that was the time i did had a love hate relationship with my bharathanatyam. Again I was not allowed to perform due to my studies but my mother did gave me chances to choreograph her students for their performances, salangai pooja and arrangetrams. I do earn some penny's from that. :)) Where I spent most of my money in bookshop buying books. 

Right after my high school, I was introduced into Multimedia and graphics and all sorts of computer related subjects. That was the only time for the three years I totally forget about bharathanatyam and got full fledged into making animations, videos, giving voice over to my other batch mates videos. So my mind was totally focused into films. I was a pro in Audio Visual Techniques and script writing. So literally got my interest into films. Also I started up a blog for films and review about them and sometimes with my own imagination I do change the screenplay and post it. I did get a quite number of good response but not able to continue it after sometime.

During my first script writing attempt, the whole class and lectures team praise me for the kind of techniques I used in it. I still remember, it was a high school love story script and I still have them in my bookshelf. I learnt French and German during this period for my script writing purpose. I always wanted to do something different. And also learnt to speak telugu fluently again ( yes, i used to speak telugu with my mom when i was a little kid) and watch many genres of movies and read lots of books to get ideas. 

My ideas sometimes goes beyond imaginations and most of it will be rofl :'D. If you haven't gone through my kind of writings maybe you should read the Frozen 2 storyline which totally made everyone to laugh out loud. I wrote this storyline few weeks before my mom's demise and I read it to her, she smiled. After her death, I was so lonely, and I spent most of my hours and days only with Divya chatting all kind of things. At that period of time I again resume back with Bharathanatyam. Probably I felt my mother's presence around me whenever I dance. And that made me feel better. By the time I took dance seriously into my life as a profession, I also made up my mind that I need to be in films - obviously behind came and i started to work on a script with a little inputs from a fav novel a Bollywood Wedding.  

After a year, things didn't turn out to be I expected, I left the script, I felt betrayed, loneliness surrounds me, something haunts me. I stayed away from every social sites except email. This is another untold story of mine. 

Maybe now I need to resume back my script and screenplay on this idea for Gautham. 

To be continued........

Dear Kamal Sir,

Just watched today's bigg boss promo and its really so hurting and painful to see Ovoya in such situation. A week back Mr.Shakti shamelessly raised his hand to hit Oviya and still he haven't ask SORRY yet but explaining some nonsense things about his masculine ego. Where else today Mr Arav Nafeez treating her just like a piece of shit (excuse me for my words). Actually what's happening? Is this a game or are they planned to ruin a girl's life with their own sort of game? The inmates are actually mentally abusing her with their actions and words.

If Arav has a life outside that Bigg Boss sets then its easy ask him to be straight forwards to Oviya, that he is either engaged or got a girl friend or whatever it is. She would mind her own business. But he has given her false hopes with his actions. The one thing that surprised me is, a 25 years old girl can be so honest and true about her relationship while he who is 29 is unable to and afraid to accept something in front of the National Media.

Okay, if he doesn't want to be in relationship with Oviya, he could have told that to her in many ways, where she can understands. But he's been insulting her in front of the people ( inmates and the programme viewers ). Pushing her away when she asked for a five minutes talk and asking whether is she trying to create a scene or what is full of stupidity and crap. If this is a scene then definitely he's created many scenes to her.

Where did his Mechanical Engineering brain went while feeding her ice cream and kicking her butt in front of Snehan? Where was his dignity goes when Juliana hugs him and massaging his head and Gayathri pulling his cheeks and holding his hands? If its Oviya's wrong to sing Kaadhal Varatha to Arav, then of course Arav have to take a blame for singing Innum konjam neram irunthathaan enna? What's the meaning behind this song he sang? Or ivarukkum meaning theriyatha, just like the way when Gayathri says that she doesn't know the meaning for the word "Seer" when she was able to say "Dushtanai kandal thooram sel" proverb??

I'm nobody to Oviya but being another girl from the same age era and seeing her being treated so badly, something is totally wrong with the other Bigg Boss Contestants! If this scenario extends, definitely we all will be losing one girl who was so pure and honest by heart. In future she is never going to be same as this. No guy has a right to play with a girls feelings. If he is not interested he could have said it right away the moment she says I love you. But he was looking at her with his eyes full of hopes and sparks.

And to my surprise, ignore the men's but the other women's in that house, I wonder will they remain this silent if this same thing happen for their girl siblings? Shame of the TN State Award Winner Ms. Gayathri  Raguramm and the television model Raiza Wilson.

Sort out this problem sir. Or this is going to be  the worst!

PS : I was having a huge respect for Arav when he was so cool to handle Oviya and convience her to make certain things, but actually to be said in his way, he hurt me with his attitude towards Oviya. Its just like you've used Oviya to get escaped from the eviction process.
#OviyaArmy Rubini Shetty

Post XXI

Many young people says that they want to remain single forever. Including myself too. But what could be the reason for people like who are ambitious and live a life as per my wish.

For myself I've few reasons that are really logical according to me. Here we go:-

1. I've a long term goals. And I don't want to compromise those goals for someone else and his family.
2. Marriage is inevitable. Why I need to waste my time in search of love and being in love when you can have it at the right time?!
3. Being in relationship really terrifies me. You, you care, odds are that you may have your heart broken and fall in trench you possibly cannot risen from. Such people know this nature, know what will and not work out for themselves, their family and likewise.
4. I am single because I wanted to be single.

DOT!!!

Vande Mataram

Republic day and Independence day in India for me is a day to be proud of my country. Proud for many reasons. Firstly, I feel pride in my heart and soul for a country to free itself from the clutches of the British empire with grace and dignity. Secondly, because in the last few years, they have managed to create a demand in the world for itself in many ways. Despite whathas happened in the last few years in Chennai, Mumbai and Bangalore, the country woke up from the shock of those wretched 60 hours only to be stronger and wiser. 

In ways more than one, I think I'm blinded because I refuse to see any bad or wrong in my country. People go on about the corruption, the politics, the danger and so on; but I refuse to see it that way. I see the beauty behind the above and minor defaults. I look at how my country has progressed. Every other country in the world wants a hand in our beautiful democracy. We have multitude of religions and culture, the largest democracy in the world; the biggest entertainment in the world along with over a billion people residing on our land.

We believe in relationships. For us, we know the importance of family from the minute we are born. When we do anything big or small, large or tiny, we touch the feet of our parents to seek blessings in our endeavours. We believe our country is our mother, hence the name Bharat Matha ( Mother India ). We find solitude knowing that we can rely on our family and country in our times of pain and happiness. We celebrate our lifes and country many days in a year in the form of festivals. We throw colors, we eat sweets, we light lamps and fly kites.

So where is the bad? I don't see it at all. Maybe I'm blinded by shutters which horses way. But you know what? I love it that way. When I see the colors of my flag flying high, I feel pride and love in my heart for a country that will always fight for what is right. So, on this day that celebrates the 70th Independence Day, I celebrate the colors of peace, freedom and purity : The Indian Flag.

Jai Hind! Vande Mataram! Bharat Matha Ki Jai!!

Happy birthday Aishuuu 🎉🎉🎉🎈

Aishuuuuuu,

Wishing you a many more happiest returns of the day baby.. May this birthday grant you all the blessings and love and success you wished and deserve dear. You're another special one for me who pop up from no where and been with me during my thick and thin days. I still remember when you trying to console me last year September.. You are just like an angel with no wing.. People like you nowadays rarely exist on earth.. And I wish you stay sweet as this forever and ever.. And remember I'm always here for you whenever you need me. You're just like another younger sister for me.  And once again wishing you a very very happiest birthday darling.. Stay blessed 😘😘😘😘

Kiss the world

Years back, someone asked me: So Rubini, what drives your blog post? And I thought was it inspiration? The need of attention? The need to heard?Nope.. Full of craziness and try to attain the madness to the fullest.

Getting yourself a job right after college, is totally a very very bad idea if you ask me. Your brain will get rot so badly that grey matter will begin to ooze out from ears.

I've had a horrible couple of months, since I finished my college. I swear upon my mobile phone, that I've had a million. And then I begin to realize so this is why they said that "you will hate the real world" moments.

Seriously, the real world sucks. There are no any differences between the real world and college. The only differences is that you will have the vert smallest circle of backstabbers.

You thought those girls in college who always had the bestest dressing sense and wore the most expensive perfume were out to get you fall flat on your butt? Wait till you meet the people in real world. College politics is mediocre. compare to the bitches trying to bring you down in the real world.

Gosh, I don't think people will ever grow out of that phase where if they have a problem with someone or something they would just tell you instead of being skeevy and slimey about it. Get you to give up on your job, for example.

I need quite a little time to gather the lost IQ point. Study for arithmetics exams, figure out my life and bla.. bla... bla.... But hey wait!! There are more to write. And my really good friend once told me : Rubini, DON'T give a damn. DON'T let your power of reasoning hold your back. DON'T LET ANYTHING STOP YOU. Just. And kiss the world.

Who is a friend?

The ones face who comes up to your mind, when you see those funny and hilarious Facebook and WhatsApp memes? The one face flits by when you are feeling down in the dumps? That one person who has been there for you for a long time? One of those many people, who were there for you at different point of time? Someone who lives only in your memory? Someone you play a netball with? Someone you messaged all day with? That one person with whom you had a never ending arguments with? There will be no any single logic, theory or formula to be a friend!

Even though, nothing is happening in the here and now, a friend still inspires that unexpressible feelings that make you feel you're alright. At certain point of time in our life, we couldn't imagine a day passing by without meeting or having a conversation with this some particular person. With that same person, weeks or even a month now passed without a single word. When life seems to squeeze us from all directions, sometimes we decide reaching out to friends is more than we can handle.

Some friends lost to distance, and some others to time. Perhaps all you can do is to send a silent wish "Our lives have got in between us." When you are being all alone and having some conversation with your minds, the mind seems to torment in a thunderous voice, "You are all one. You will always remain alone." You cannot reign over your mind if you fight it as if it were a devil disguise.

But if that you can see it's a little child, the little you, throwing tantrum, crying out loud for that one real friend, then you have hope. Someday maybe!

A new beginning...

A lot of people been saying that this year shall be a good one, harbinger of good time and lots of positivity. For everyone's sake, especially those always murmur Kalikaalam mutthipochi, I wish it is to begin the better time.

Personally, last year was not a good one me and my family, even though peppered with some good times here and there, Perhaps, I think I have taken some special boon to go through these tough times and meet some terribly ridiculous peoples, and land myself with situations so bizarre that most people would gawk to hear. My personal doctor's dad told me that some experiences, are just learning process. I think he is right. I always do think how I'll survive if my mom suddenly leaves her last breath, well it has been seven months, and I have learned to live all by myself. But there are certain times, I think its enough of learning experience, Lord.

Tomorrow lights a new beginning and I look forward once again with hope that I will achieve my dream. After all as somebody said "it is heart that says try again when the mind says give up". But I do count my blessings. I have a good family and great friends. And I'm healthy. Everything else is maybe a matter of time. I am grateful to everything has come in my way, the lovely people who are always with us. Actually, the recent incident has shown me people who genuinely care. And that is priceless.

To whoever reading, reading this post, I wish you good health. You can built everything else if you have prime health. I wish you prosperity, and wealthy. I wish you lovely friends. I wish you a lovely united family. I wish you love, joy, peace, success and contentment. God bless!

Nimge Yellariggu nanage hridhayapurvaka Yugadi Habbada Shubhashayagallu.

My Questions on Lord Rama

Before typing out my questions, let me make it clear, kindly don't tag me as an anti-hindu, anti-Ram or any such things as that. This is a post just to clear out my views and if anybody have a clear explanations please do mail me. I'm not onto any intentions of hurting anybodies belief or sentiments. And I'm not ready to get or start any arguments, incite anger, or irritate any individuals.

The questions that I'm going to ask probably not the one that risen suddenly or just by myself, but would have been asked and talked and discussed by many other peoples. I have read a few books related to Ramayanan, e.i ; Amar Chitra Katha, Ramayan, Sita and The Story of Rama by Devadutt Pattanaik. And yes I have not read the sanskrit one. I would be happy if you can point out any books or links for further explanations.

I have been watching the Ramayanam - Tamil dub versions on Jaya Tv and Seethaiyin Raman on Star Vijay. Sitting in office after finishing all my month end and beginning works, and having some quality time on my hands, I thought why not blog out this topic.

Seems like Sita has gone through only a misery life after being the kulavathu of the Raghu clan. More so her sister Urmila, who married to Lakshmana, (but that will be a different story).

The comeback of Sita, Ram and Lakshmana, to their kingdom Ayodhya, after completing her agnipariksha to which Ram thought was a necessary to prove Sita's purity and pativrta to the world and not for his sake. Rama and Sita becomes the Kings and Queen. There pop up this one famous poet or washerman ( some books says washerman and a tele-serial shows a poet ) who said to have sent of his wife away saying "I'm not Rama to take back a wife who has lived in another house". Ram was informed of this and he decides, in the interest of his kingdom and Rajya Dharma as a ruler, he have to banish Sita away from Ayodhya to forest, who is carrying his child.

When I asked the questions I wanted to blog over here to my officer, he says before sleep look at the statues or a picture of Rama and ask him these questions. He will come in your dream and answer your questions if he is willing or he will murder you brain with his bow and arrow. Lol. I know Rama will never be this cruel. I know he is the karunaiyin maruvadivam and I have a huge respect and bhaya bhakti upon this Purana Purushar Shri Rama. But these questions are just a doubt or maybe can say I'm quite curious to know more details about Ram and Sita.

1. Apart being a ruler of Kingdom, as a husband of Sita, who was blameless, and peerless, the pativrta, who went 14 years of vanavaasam along with Rama, was sent again to forest by Rama without telling her what her crime was, She accept the punishment but he doesn't bother that it is necessary to tell her himself what has wrought this situation.

2. Lakshmana was ordered to drop her in the forest. Just drop and return, that's it. She was not invested in the care of any rishis or ashram. She is not offered a decent dwelling to take care of herself and her unborn child. She was left high and dry. According to the books, Rishi Valmiki finds her who was faints and fell on ground, and takes her to the hermitage where laterly Luv and Kush was born.

3. Apart from this, when Rama plans to send her away to forest, none of the Rajyamatha's ( mothers of Ram, Bharat, Lakshman and Shahtrughan) attempt to stop this. And none of Ram's brothers and their wives, (Sita's sisters) object this baseless punishment. Everyone stays silent. Yes, I read somewhere, that Urmila defend her sister, but Rama finds his Rajyadharma is more important than being a true lovely husband.

4. Rama - later doesn't even bother to find out whether Sita is alive, safe and his children are safe or not. Or even if they are born or not. But just desert, because a washerman/poet questioned her chastity.

5. Even the parents of Sita - King Janaka and Queen Sunaina never bother to find out what happen to their loving daughter. Either they never want to find out or they must have thought she is living happily in her kingdom with Rama.

6. Finally there was a fight between Rama and Luv & Kush. Both Luv and Kush not knowing Rama is their father and so Rama too. Till Sita comes in between these two parties and stop the exchange of arrows. Rama was introduce to his sons but still he hesitate ( or refuse will be the right word ) to take Sita back, but then OKAY with taking his sons to his kingdom. And when some prajas questioned about the sons birth, Sita was asked to do another pariksha. And this time she chose to go back to her mother Bhoomi Devi, because she can't bear seeing she is been questioning by others.

7. Somehow I feel, even being husband is another part, but as a ruler, if he had to suddenly remove Sita from the status of Queen, did he not fail in his duty to provide a safe haven for his subject?

If there are any reasons apart from ;

1. Rama sacrificed
2. Sita sacrificed
3. Sita chose to suffer
4. Rama the all knowner

please do let me know. :)

If you can give me a suitable answer, I would be happy.

PS : I am not an ANTI HINDU or an Atheist. I believe in Gods and yes I pray to Lord Rama and Sita Devi everyday. Vishnu is my favourite god and I believe on all the mythological stories of him and his nine avatars that he have took. And I still do believe that someday soon he will appear before us in Kalki Avatar. So kindly don't put me into all those "ANTI" tags.

Thank you,

Rubini.

"WISH FOR SOMETHING STRONG ENOUGH AND THE UNIVERSE CONSPIRES TO MAKE IT HAPPEN" - ALCHEMIST

Days back, had a Twitter private conversation with a friend regarding a movie and the caste. It was a conversation of how culture (of coarse not all) have been formed by torturing people into submission or attempting to vanquish entire peoples.

What culture are proud of? What are we going to give for the next generation children's in our society? A culture and a history of which several parts are not being tolerate of? A crazy cultures, that still prevalent in this days and ages with honor killings? And this unpleasant behaviour of untouchability, treating another human who made of with the same flesh and blood as like ourselves in a terrible manner.

I just wonder, what do the people who sit on the seats of power actually does? What is their pressure and why aren't they allowed to bring a change? It's not possible, that they don't felt an iota for the country that they belong to. Love for our motherland is somethin that will automatically pulsate through our nerves. But what is so difficult for the ministers to bring a change in our society? When they are able to invest millions of dollars for some unwanted projects which is not even a 1 percentage useful for the citizens of nation, why can't they stop this rape, honor killing and other humanly behavior? To a common civilian and a citizen these will remain a mere questions.

Perhaps like some says, politicians and ministers are not the masters of their dept. It's someone else who makes the decisions for them which they are forced to obey it. If someone tells me, all this mere talk and nothing changes going to happen. I know that someday that humans will find humanity within them. And I wish it will happen in this life itself. 

Happy Birthday Laddooooosh

Happy birthday you absolutely amazing piece of adorable rasberry cutie chweety laddhoooooosh.. Okay IDK what the hell I'm actually typing now but no offense intended because we all know we love each other and there's only peace, love, happy and finally being stupid and ended up complaining and wailing and crying each other to "G" anna because he means a lot to us! (This G alphabet got so much of power inside us anna) Well, how old are you now? 26, right? Woaaaah... I still remember when I wished you for your 24th birthday and honestly I can't believe I'm still friends with you. You know, how easily I earn and loss peoples just like that. But believe me, you were and are one amazing and the most nicest girl I've known ever since your 24th birthday. And clearly only our asses have grown up but not our brains, but yeah I'm quite proud of that too!!! We still talk like the way we used to when we started talking. Remember our own calm down yoga courses and a twitter strike with pappukka when anna's both YY film release and VRV audio got delayed. Please don't ask how I remember that, I was twitter searching our convos and died with embarrassment. I can never forget how much we embarrassed each other in front of our followers on twitter and also how we earned a few and lost a lot of followers on twitter. 

Anyways you berry cherry cutie ruck crab (oops) okay I think its time I should start respecting you since it's your birthday today. You're one of the cutest, sweetest, darlingest, dearest, and crabbiest (sorry can't help it though) people I've known. I can be myself with you and I know you wouldn't judge. 24...25...26.... Three years of friendship and for heaven sake, I still don't believe this... Wowwwww.. Divyaaaaaa... I'm so proud of you for keeping this relationship strong and yes Thank you Gautham Na for that... You're one of the few people with whom I'm absolutely random with (it's mutual with G anna too.. I know) Cherryboo pengicake thanks for always being there for me when I needed you and thanks for being yourself. Well wait.. it haven't finished yet!!! As you always says, it just got geared up and we still do have many trillions of kilometers to go and we all really sure about it that this craziness will never come to an end. Well yeah, there's no end but we will continue this forever and ever and even after that. I think I share most of my bestest, hardest and even stupidest moments with you. When I'd no one to turn up with, thank god I had Anna, You and Tharmy.... For EVERYTHING!!!! 

Okay you punkchit cake the bestest friend of mine, remember this. I WILL NEVER EVER WILL RUNAWAY WITH YOUR CRAZINESS. And you're my chocolate, gulab jamoon, peanut butter, sakkara uppuma, masalavada, thayir saadham, latte, frappucino, and the yummiest blueberry cheese cake..... Yeeuuuuwwww... You sounds like a restaurants menu card now!!! :'P :'D And yeah as you told me earlier, let's keep this spirit of bashing peoples with the unknown bad words that we created for ourselves. Thosekuruvivadai, kazhuguroti, mayilubajji. Off course you holds the copyrights.. :) :) OMG!! I can't stop laughing. 24/7 we have talked endlessly, midlessly and brainlessly. But all those happy crazy, sad, angry and romantic (well only you knows from where and to whom we discuss this romantic romantic part - SCRIPT) too.. anna you will get to know about this when the right time comes... lollll...rofl... :'D But these all made us the dearest besties for life, and of course made us to hold up each other when the craziness exceeds its limit (it has crossed that limit line long time back already)... Okay I think I shall back to the track rather than writing our three years of history.. hee hee

Divya - the strongest girl that I've known. Well today I smile, and its because of you. You have made me to forget about most of the worst things. Without you, I think I wouldn't be talking and laughing like this. I wish may the god grant you all the happiness and love that you deserve. Wishing you a many more happiest returns of the day tum mera pyaari bhoori gulabi... Have a great lovely year. Keep smiling always... And keep up your craziness with me. Because that's my only drug that keeps me smiling at first place. I love you so much.. And yeah we all loves you so dearly.. Oh wait!!! This is our third year friendship day too.. :):):) Happy friendship day too babe.. Have a great day.. Love you baby ma... muaaah :):*:D

PS: This blog wish was posted an half day earlier upon the request of the pre birthday baby Divya Darling aka Shilpa

The readers species!

What would books be without readers? Will books still be written if there are no one to read them? Still, imagine a world where no one reads, what's the important of writing then? When there are no any way to received, will man still seek to express? Beyond such a metaphysical questions, it's fascinating how the concept of reading has been changed since over the last decades.

A while ago, we had that exquisite time to curl up on sofa with a book just be lost in a new world that brings to us. There was no mobile ringing near your heart. There was no need of updating a status message on whatsapp. No profile photos to upload on facebook for likes and comments. And there was any absolute reason to tweet saying "Brilliant.. #Adultery... #NowReading." You were content with your inner "you" interacting silently with the character from the book you read. It was just between only you and your book. Yes, at time, you might hear you mom shouts at you "Adiye neraaa utkarnthu padi deee". And at most of the time, you didn't know what the food you ate and what it tasted like, caught in conversation between your beloved character.Well, that was a greatest pleasure you had the privilege of enjoying. Personally, I'm grateful for that. This has given me the power of understand the emotion, complicated and contradictory. The layers to what a person thinks, says and does, all revealed in beautiful writing, which I had the time to delve into.

Fast forwarding to this era now, every minute, there seems to be an overload of matters to be catch up on Twitter, Facebook, Quora. One seems to be in an urgent need to digest the information that bombard from multiple directions. In many ways, I see the similarities with the reading and listening. Once upon a time, we know how to keep quite and be completely silent, when the speaker do his talking. We learn this technique from the long hours with our books. Now it seems so hard for someone to listen to a long talks. The pressing need to comment, critique and opine instantly, exert tremendous pressure on your head.  

A hurried world, indeed! From 1000 pages novel to 1000 words short stories to 144 characters of tweets. Our attention spans have shrunk to XSS size. Perhaps, a day will come when future humans will consider even those tweet readers have a phenomenal patience. Perhaps, they will use more short words and emoticons. I will never be surprise if emoji is the years word in Oxford Dictionary, and it isn't too hard to imagine the future. Still, what a loss! Everything seems to be superficial and transient, no matter how much information I received in a day, and how much we are updated. Deep reflections are fading too fast. I miss those days where i could attach myself with one book and forget the world I'm in now, and observing another one, creating a landscape and mindscape in my own mind.

A Way of Learning

Imagine yourself as a student living in the era of thousand years ago. How would you further your knowledge? You would go out of your home for years, seek a guru, live with him under kurukulum, eat with him, wash his cloths, and clean his home and in return of your service he shares you the knowledge. This knowledges were sealed tight in a cryptogram of classical languages, that it would never reach to a common man. When talking about a cryptogram, do we all still remember the Q.E.D we writes at the end of our geometry theorems. I wonder if we have any idea about what it meant actually but we manage to plugged into it anyways. But those all was like we were sitting in some ancient Rome and learning under a Latin philosopher. Coming back to our own learning scene, as in the case lie Ekalavya, a Guru can easily ignore/refuse a student, no matter how sincere he/she was. Out there we have many Ekalavyas' today too. Lets consider how many young and old peoples aspiring to learn today? Consider how many learning centers, colleges and universities are out there. If so, no wonder the overburdened professors, teachers and lecturers says more no to yeses. Even though a passion burnt inside them, many a students has been turned away from their doors. These heartbroken souls would be mourn at first, but should soon realize that the centres of learning are now just right in front of them in the form of their laptops and smartphones. Whatever it is you wants to learn everything is there, let it be a apple pie recipe or the significance of mathematical pi, one needs to look no further. These education portals do have a way of bringing the world as one. One learns just not about a course but also about oneself and the globe. Just the way like Ekalavya made a mud statue of Guru Dronacharya, who refused to teach him and went on to teach himself and become a master of that art, you too definitely can do the same with your metal university. There are no any need to break down yourself with tears when they find reason to not to open the ivory gates. Why years for wall, when you have the world in your hands?

A long overdue post

Sometimes I forget that my blog is my favourite space for me to write. The effect haven't faded in me even after a decade of blogging. Six years of blogging and I'm still successfully maintaining this site as the way I always wanted it to be. I still remember those years where I come this portal whenever I feel so down or happy. And I have neglected to write over here since last August. Last year wasn't really a good year for me and my family. Yes, I lost my mom on last September 17th, early morning 2.16am. This is a biggest tragedy that I have faced in my life. Well at times, I know, one day we all have to die. But sometimes, we ourselves can't help it when our dear and lovely ones left us alone and goes for their next journey But yeah, I know my mother is at better place now after suffering from all the problems and sicks and medicines and treatments that she has gone through. 

Her only wish was to hand over me to a good men who can take care of me and let me to pursue my dream. But that didn't happen.And i doubt even that will ever happen or not. Because we both are a way too different on views.  And yes, I don't want to fulfill my dream as somebodies daughter-in-law but as the daughter of my parents and sister of my sister and brother. But thankful to god, after my mom's demise somehow my family is being a great support system to me. Especially my brother. He wants me to do the best and get the best even. Apart from family, I definitely have to mention about Gautham and Divya for being my biggest strength during those days when I was all alone after I loss my mom. Divya basically keeps me so busy with the FC stuffs such as edits and designs et all. And Gautham, despite his tight schedule during Rangoon shooting he still manage to do a voice text for me and send it to me via facebook and through by Rohit. 

I seriously have to mention about Rohit over here, I have never seen any celebrity photographer down to earth like him. After seeing my post regarding my mother on facebook, he got my contact number, and made Priya, Chinmayi akka and Rahul athimber to pray for my mom and send a voice notes on whatsapp. And yest my mother listened to all of your messages and she smiles at me. This is something so extremely sweet, and I just can't wait to land in Chennai this November and meet them personally. I got lots of stuffs to talk with them. Especially Padmhasini amma and Gautham!

Well you see, sometime we ourselves wouldn't know what good we had done to earn such good peoples in our life. Each time whenever I jumped with them into a conversation, I always thinks okay, I'm blessed!! I'm a blessed kid for few things..

1. Bharathanatyam

2. My parents & siblings

3. My mom as my guru *bharathanatyam

4. Friends *Shruti/Divya/Tharmy/Trisha/Ridhima/Subbhu/Harish/Bavani/Lekshmipriya/Karthik/Arun anna

5. Gautham *when he says I can think him as my own big brother talk/message to him anytime

6.Padmhasini *another mommy - I always call her mommy

As a girl child who born in a middle class family, what else do I need? Well, the one thing as a students, I my sis and brother didn't do for my mom was a kanakaabhishekam. We have planned about it a year before mom's demise, but due to our own busy schedules of work and traveling we forget about it and we never do it. Well when this dream will come true? Ermm, yeah I'm going to Chennai, this November to pursue my bharathanatyam training under guru Uma Dandayuthapani Pillai ( daughter of Natyakala Chakravarthy K.N.Dandayuthapani Pillai & he is my mom's guru as well ) . 

All I wanted is, to be a known classical performer. And I miss you amma.

Passion for life!

It's the little things.
Sunsets,
coffee,
long drives,
giggles,
sappy movies,
ice-cream,
deep conversation,
cozy socks, and music.

These things are so little,
yet mean a great deal to me.

Suppose, it is not the extent of things 'small or big"
that make a different.


But perhaps, the extent to which they spark a fire in your soul,
that no substance on earth can extinguish,
leaving you to burn with a passion for life.